Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
