i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
