i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
