if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
