After last night, I could never be a politician.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
