You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
