Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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