Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
