4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
