Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
