i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
