I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
