Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my poor anus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
