he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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