Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
