He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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