Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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