Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
