Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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