Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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