He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
