U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Drunk is not a location!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
