She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
