never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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