woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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