I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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