kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
