Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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