I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize