Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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