You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
