I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
