Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
