it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
