You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
