"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
