Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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