I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
