I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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