don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
