She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
