sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
