the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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