Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
