I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
