new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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