Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
