I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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