Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
