I just pynch a tree in the face
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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