And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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