It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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