Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
