Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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