i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
