He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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