Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
