She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
