She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
