i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
