im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
