the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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