I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
