Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
