we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
