Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
