My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
