Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
