My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
In America we eat man semen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
