mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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