i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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