I just cut my nipple shaving
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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