i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
