you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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