so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
