Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
