I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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