Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
