He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What a dumb baby whore.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
