Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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