There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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