dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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