the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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