He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
