Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
