I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
