It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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