I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
